My 4 Year Crush

I revived this blog hoping to work thru some things when I was a teenager. This picture was sent to me by the lady on the right. I am next to her. I guess I was 13 or 14 at the time. Next to me is the kid I had a crush on for 4 years of my life. I don't remember the girl on the left who was trying to drag him off. I think I remember the girl in back of her and the two behind me, I know. I can't see the one behind my crush so I don't know who they are.

I first saw this kid at high school and I wish I could remember when exactly it was that I knew this person was stuck in my head and would take years to leave. He was a year ahead of me and I think he took me for someone else, a person called Elizabeth DaCosta. From what I gather this was a mousy person afraid of her own shadow. He even called me "Elizabeth."

I imagine I will have to set up some scenery here so you see where I am. I was 13, in my first year of high school. I rode the bus to school, and while I didn't know it then, I rode by his house every day. It was high on a hill and I used to look at it everyday, hoping to see him outside. (yes, I had it very, very bad.)

Like every 13 year old, I was full of misgivings, self-doubt and very little self-esteem. I am 52 years old and none of that has changed, except that I am old, fat and been thru the wringer of life. Back then, as you can see, I was young, thin and had long hair but like all teenagers I didn't appreciate it until it was gone. I had a terrible complexion, made worse by an extreme case of chicken pox which left me marked all over, worst of all, on my face. This and the terrible acne made my life very miserable. Someone started calling me "Speckled Hind" and all that first year I got called that. The boys used to pick on me all the time and I felt very ugly and very unworthy. It used to hurt most of all that two boys that I had known thru elementary school teased me the worst. One of these I had had a little crush on back then, if you could call it a crush when kids are little.

So let's just say I "noticed" him. The last time I went home for a visit, about 6 years ago, he sat next to me on the bus and we talked a little. So much water under the bridge. Childhood was so very far away.

I think I will stop here in this post because I don't want to make it too long. I will return to it another time.